I should have been a pair of chucks, slightly used, whose prior smok­i­ness wafted out of the ship­ping enve­lope and into my life.

I should have been a pair of eggrolls, microwaved on high for pre­cisely 2 min­utes, dur­ing which time a PF-Changs-like dip­ping sauce can be arranged.

I should have been a pair of twins for whom life isn’t fair, endeav­or­ing always to be on the “good” side of that equation.

I should have been mar­ried much ear­lier than I was, but being that way takes me forever.

I should have been fairly will­ing to com­pro­mise with my mother, at least skim­ming the arti­cles and call­ing back.

I should have been wary of the dou­bling voice, the rush I felt when it split me up and terrified.

I should have been a hair more flex­i­ble with my sand­wich order, tak­ing plea­sure not in the con­fir­ma­tion of expec­ta­tion but in the squishi­ness of con­tent, just as long as there’s no mustard.

 

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